On queerness (45/365)

[white_hart]

I really liked this essay by Kit O'Sullivan, about growing into their non-binary identity; in particular, the sentence 'The stepping stone into myself was the moment that I realised “queer” is an umbrella term for plethora of sexual and gender identities that are simply not cis or not straight' really resonated with me. Because I understand why a generation of gay people - perhaps principally gay men - can never hear "queer" as anything other than the term of hatred and abuse that was hurled at them (I have much less sympathy for Tumblr teens who talk about "the q-slur"), but it's so much easier than "biromantic asexual, increasingly unconvinced about gender as a concept" (and also gives away a lot less personal information in the course of getting across the fundamental point of Not Straight). "Queer" allows me the space to explore, to feel different on different days. It gives me the freedom to be myself without having to commit to specific definitions. It encompasses all the parts of me instead of trying to put different bits into different boxes. It feels like me in a way other identities simply don't.

Comments

[cmcmck]

Trouble with 'queer' as a catch all is that a lot of people assume that ALL trans people are queer.

I'm boringly straight and married- a lot of us are the first and quite a few the second.

But of course 'what everybody knows' is that no one will ever love us..............

But if it works for you, go for it, I say! :o)

[white_hart]

I had been thinking of not-cisness as falling under the queer umbrella, but I can see that it may not feel that way for you. And I think some cishet poly relationships could be considered as queer, so maybe the overlap with "LGBTQIA+" isn't quite as neat as it might appear at first.

[cmcmck]

It's a bit like LGBT which everyone (the BBC included) assume is all to do with sexuality so 'T' is a form of sexuality.

Um.......no!

I've run into so many labels over the years some of which were just plain odd.

[perennialanna]

I have much less sympathy for Tumblr teens

I think that is a complete sentence right there. And the Larkin-esque attitude to queer history and all (people existed before whatever arbitrary start date you have chosen!)

I love the way queer combines slipperiness with in-your-faceness.

[white_hart]

Yes, I always feel that queer is an otter-like sort of word - slippery and elusive and never quite where people expect it to be, but also absolutely unmistakeable.

[lokifan]

That's a lovely essay <3

I understand why a generation of gay people - perhaps principally gay men - can never hear "queer" as anything other than the term of hatred and abuse that was hurled at them (I have much less sympathy for Tumblr teens who talk about "the q-slur")

Same - and I've known it even from a gay man my age, in his early 30s. Though at the same time, "gay" was a general insult, used for anything bad or boring, throughout my adolescence, and that feels weirdly underdiscussed sometimes. I mean, we just had to get over that. Idk.

I love queer too <3 Esp as a signifier of community and politics, both - I'm a big believer that identity is not an individual thing, it's a thing defined in community.

[white_hart]

I've followed Kit for about a decade now (they used to have a knitting podcast) and it's been lovely watching them find their identity.

"Gay" as a general insult was after my time, but I am aware that it was used in that way, and I've also noticed that it isn't discussed much. I can see that it wasn't weaponised specifically against gay people in the way that other words (queer and dyke, and others that haven't been reclaimed like faggot and poof) were, so it isn't quite equivalent, but it is still a thing that anyone of that generation has had to get over.

[lokifan]

Yeah. And I mean to be clear, I myself am totally over it and fine, and I think that's pretty common. But then I also think there's probably interesting stuff to be teased out in the comparison between how we in the community treat these different terms, and could shed some light on the eternally vexed question of how much "queer is a slur" is based on actual trauma (definitely to some degree) and how much it's a combination of assimilationist anxiety about queer politics, to phrase it perhaps uncharitably, and biphobia and transphobia within the community.