On queerness (45/365)

[white_hart]

I really liked this essay by Kit O'Sullivan, about growing into their non-binary identity; in particular, the sentence 'The stepping stone into myself was the moment that I realised “queer” is an umbrella term for plethora of sexual and gender identities that are simply not cis or not straight' really resonated with me. Because I understand why a generation of gay people - perhaps principally gay men - can never hear "queer" as anything other than the term of hatred and abuse that was hurled at them (I have much less sympathy for Tumblr teens who talk about "the q-slur"), but it's so much easier than "biromantic asexual, increasingly unconvinced about gender as a concept" (and also gives away a lot less personal information in the course of getting across the fundamental point of Not Straight). "Queer" allows me the space to explore, to feel different on different days. It gives me the freedom to be myself without having to commit to specific definitions. It encompasses all the parts of me instead of trying to put different bits into different boxes. It feels like me in a way other identities simply don't.

Comments

[white_hart]

I've followed Kit for about a decade now (they used to have a knitting podcast) and it's been lovely watching them find their identity.

"Gay" as a general insult was after my time, but I am aware that it was used in that way, and I've also noticed that it isn't discussed much. I can see that it wasn't weaponised specifically against gay people in the way that other words (queer and dyke, and others that haven't been reclaimed like faggot and poof) were, so it isn't quite equivalent, but it is still a thing that anyone of that generation has had to get over.

[lokifan]

Yeah. And I mean to be clear, I myself am totally over it and fine, and I think that's pretty common. But then I also think there's probably interesting stuff to be teased out in the comparison between how we in the community treat these different terms, and could shed some light on the eternally vexed question of how much "queer is a slur" is based on actual trauma (definitely to some degree) and how much it's a combination of assimilationist anxiety about queer politics, to phrase it perhaps uncharitably, and biphobia and transphobia within the community.