Yes, all women (70/365)

[white_hart]

The news at the moment is very much dominated by yet another case of a woman being abducted and murdered while going about her perfectly normal business*, and Twitter is full of women recounting their stories of being harassed or assaulted and sharing the things they do to try to minimise risk and support other women.

And it reminded me of a time, more than twenty years ago now, when I was walking to the pub, through a studenty but generally fairly "safe" area of Coventry (though the bit nearest the pub always felt a bit less safe) when a man asked me whether there was a pub nearby. I gave him directions, but instead of thanking me and carrying on his way, he kept trying to engage me in conversation. I probably wasn't as worried by this as I should have been - I was about 22, young enough to still think I was invincible and really, really bad at reading people; I was in a place I knew well and thought of as home; it was only about 7pm even though it was January or February and dark already - though I didn't particularly want to stop and have a conversation with him. Fortunately for me, two young women on the other side of the road clearly picked up on my awkwardness and spontaneously came running up to me, acting as though I was their friend who they hadn't seen in a while, insisted that I must come in to their house for a cup of tea, and then got one of their male housemates to walk me the rest of the way to the pub.

Maybe it would all have been fine anyway. But maybe it wouldn't, and thanks to those two women, I never had to find out one way or the other. It was a minor incident, a footnote to my life, but it still happened. And I suspect that most - maybe all - of you who are women, or who have at some point been perceived as women, have a similar story.

Comments

[caulkhead]

Yes, indeed. I would say I've not suffered much from it, but even so, I have seriously considered getting on a train, at random with no ticket, to get away from someone before now. To say nothing of various yells, whistles, what have you (I should probably stop yelling 'Fuck off', as at least twice there's been a five year old behind me), the false numbers I've given and the two (two!) random blokes who proposed marriage. All of these have been in populated, even busy places. And the bloke on the beach when I was ten, that was broad daylight.

And the fact I consider that 'not much' is saying something.

Ironically, for all the stories of 'things women do that men don't even think of', my partner is still way more street smart than I am, and I will take risks he won't.

[white_hart]

It was only a couple of years ago that I realised that every woman I know who lives in London has stories of being groped on the Tube. At least North Oxford public transport is less assault-prone. But yes, "not much" is still a long way from "nothing".

A year ago I would have been quite wary of going for long country walks by myself, though the countryside is probably actually safer than cities, and I couldn't have got through the last twelve months without my walks.

[caulkhead]

In which case, I am the exception that proves the rule, at least as far as the Tube is concerned.

[cmcmck]

Several women have mentioned the 'fake phone call' and do I ever know that one!

Then there was the flasher. I'm afraid I could do nothing more sensible than laugh...........

[white_hart]

Fake phone calls, walking with your keys in your hand, walking down the middle of the road so no-one can grab you from behind a hedge...

[callmemadam]

Everything you said. True that you are less scared when you're young, just when you should be most on your guard *but shouldn't need to be*.

[white_hart]

No, we really shouldn't need to be.

[girlyswot]

Yup. Groped on the Paris metro while literally standing next to my parents in a very crowded carriage. Plus other things. All women.

Did you mean to add a footnote with the *?

[cmcmck]

French men are THE worst!

Italians have the name for it, but oddly enough, when you meet them in real life, 'tain't so- they are the most respectful men I've ever met.

[white_hart]

Ugh, I'm sorry.

I was thinking of adding a note about the fact that women are still more likely to be murdered by men they know that by strangers in the street, but I decided it didn't need it.

[mrs_redboots]

The abduction and probable murder in question happened more-or-less round the corner from where I live. And when I was out for my walk the other day, it felt like a car was stalking me - I may have been mistaken, it might just have been looking for the perfect parking-space - so I had to turn and give the driver a hard stare! My husband tells me that far more men are murdered on the streets than women, which may be true, but I have never felt safe on the streets of London after dark - and this particular incident happened on an extremely main road!

[white_hart]

Oh goodness, that must be unsettling!

Yes, more men may be murdered, but it's not the same as crimes against women which are committed precisely because they are women.